I am not sure where I live.
Most of the emotions of leaving Spain and friends and a language I came to love and food and 110 degree heat (c’mon, you didn’t think it was all rosy, did you?) have been postponed somewhere in my mind. It hasn’t quite hit me. I haven’t seen many American friends since my return, for a number of reasons dealing with crossing paths and geography (some in Missoula, others in Japan) and also my lack of a cell phone, an answering machine, or frequent internet access.
People keep asking me if I am glad to be home, and for the most part, I think I am. It’s nice to see people who have known me forever, to express myself in a more exact fashion than even nine months in Spain afforded me. It’s nice to eat random foods I missed, to shop the sales, to think how cheap everything seems here when I am used to paying in euros. Well, except gas, but I didn’t ever buy that in Europe.
I have basically nothing to do, so I read a book, a really good one, in an afternoon this week and I have whipped through magazines from Harper’s to JPG to Better Homes and Gardens. I spend a lot of time petting my dog, who makes sure to get whatever clothes I’m wearing thoroughly dog hair covered. The front porch swing is surely getting more use than it has seen in some time. The weather here is perfect, in the 80s, although the air-conditioned house is too cold after sweating through most of June. I am rarely dressed before 11:15.
Of course, I have only been home about a week. The suitcases are opened but far from unpacked; my room looks more storage space than living space. Then again, the ceiling is also covered with glow in the dark stars and magazine clippings of Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio and all sorts of other late 90s celebs, so I suppose it’s only natural that I feel like I am just home for Christmas vacation or something, not really living here or anywhere.
Soon enough, I will have to start job searching. I will have to go through interviews and the process of moving all over again. Soon enough, I will be busy and I will complain about having no time. So I am trying to bask in the time I have now, even if it seems I am living in an alternate universe, one where I have zero responsibilities, spend zero money, read a lot, eat well, go to bed early.
It may not seem like reality, but I guess sometimes reality is overrated.